


Kermie Spermie

by teleport_to_sans



Category: The Muppets - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Bears, Character Death, Cheating, Death, Doggy Style, Drama, Drama & Romance, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Family Drama, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Frogs, Furry, Humor, I'm Sorry, Missionary Position, Muppets (Muppets), Romance, Rough Sex, Sex, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-27
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2019-09-01 07:12:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16760419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teleport_to_sans/pseuds/teleport_to_sans
Summary: Kermit and Y/N have relationship issues.





	Kermie Spermie

**Author's Note:**

> I own none of these characters, i don't have any rights to any people or products mentioned. I'm sorry again.

This was the best and worst moment of your life.

Y/N waltzed into Kermit's house like it was nothing. It was a little weird that they had been dating for, like, 9 months and he hadn't proposed nor asked her to move in, but Y/N didn't mind. Or wait. Yes she did. BUT she couldn't and wouldn't say anything. In the back of her mind Y/N had always humored the thought that Kermit was a big film star and producer, and probably didn't want a lower-middle class idiot moving in and fucking everything up. It was sad but, you make sacrifices for love, I guess.

All the color was flushed out of Y/N's face when she saw the most horrendous, offending, irresponsible, and demeaning... but also validating, exciting, empowering thing. She did NOT expect when delivering his ligma pills, like it was nothing, was Kermit swapping spit with a certain someone. Someone you had known forever. Someone you thought would never let you down like this. Someone who never left your side (minus the small 'snorting coke up his butthole' incident. It was a hard couple of months.). Someone who always had a shoulder to cry on. And coincidentally the someone who gave you half of your DNA.

Your dad.

She felt as thought you were gonna scream and laugh maniacally.

Scream, well because the two people you loved most we're sucking face.

And laugh. Because Kermit's career was pretty much over. Y/N was already bullet-pointing the details on plan A-Z in her mind. She was gonna fuck his little whiny, below-average-dick, three toed ass over. 

'He's mega cancelled, sis! Take several seats.' Y/N thought.

Instead, she whipped out her iPhone 9 and started recording. Luckily, she had snuck in and opened the door quietly, so they didn't even know she was there. She was still trying very hard to not giggle, and fight the urge to rip both his emeralds off and play sum Minecraft. This struggle put her body at war with itself. Her organs and shit literally didn't know what to do. So it did the ol' butt belch. The meat nozzle ripper! The turdy trembler! Her asshole said XD. The clock struck hour Boom-Boom!

'Oopsies in my poopsies!' her chocolate starfish thought.

Kermit and Y/N's dad turned their heads and saw you, looking petrified from the distinct anus air audio.

'Fuck! I didn't think Y/N would catch us!' Y/N's dad reflected.

'My lil froggy dick hard lmao.' Kermit pondered.

Y/N stopped recording. Her dad and Kermit watched as she slugged over to the fridge and opened the new beef flavored Caprisun Kermit bought bulk of. They also watched when she turned towards them and started walking. They still watched as Y/N raised her beverage and pointed it like a grenade launcher at them, too embarrassed to make any movements. But her father's watching was cut short when she squirted it in his eyes, probably permanantly damaging them.

He squelched so loud he broke all the glass phallus decor! "YOU SPLATTERED MEAT DRINK IN MY E-BALLZ! MY CORNEAS!" her padre exclaimed.

Y/N's pappy fortnite danced and hit that yeet out the front door.

________________________________________________________________

Now Y/N and Kermit were alone together and sat until his plonker went down. When it finally did after a couple minutes, Kermit broke the silence.

"I for one, think furries should be included in LGBT. What about you?" he said with a straight face as he crossed his legs, avoiding eye contact.

"Why did you have a stiff whang for my father, Kermit."

"Also what the fuck? Furries? What?" Y/N questioned.

"I don't know man. I kinda fuck wit furries. It's like animals but NOT. That's pretty swag." Kermit continued.

"WHY WE'RE YOU FONDLING MY DAD! WHAT! THE FRIGG!" she shouted.

Kermit stared at her blankly, as if to say 'I'm gonna keep talking about furries, so you should prolly lead this conversation.'

"We're you guys buttering the buscuit too? HUH? I don't understand Kerm."

He thought for a moment.

"Bruh me and your dad we're totally goin balls deep! Haha! It's not easy being horny dawg. I'm just lookin for a whole to humpty squirty!"

Kermit looked at Y/N, and she had a completely disgusted expression.

"Look I'm sorry. I do love you. Your dad was just- he was so DILF-y. How could i resist that orifice! Uhm. I won't do it again I promise. Please." Kermit pleaded. At that moment, Y/N's phone rang. She picked it up to reveal a FaceTime from her dad.

Y/N sighed and answered reluctantly. He had bandages over his eyes.

"What dad? I am not in the mood for a chat."

"You totally fucked up my eyes!" He screamed.

"How did you even see the FaceTime button, what the butt?"

"THEY SCOOPED OUT MY EYES Y/N! I HAVE NO EYES!"

"Good! More room for sins. Goodbye, bitch." Y/N ended the call and turned her attention back to Kermit. He looked terrified, but SHE however, looked mischievous. She was planning something. 

"I'm gonna go fuck your mom. We'll be even. Bye." Y/N grabbed another Caprisun and left. Left to Angela the Frog's house.

_________________________________________________

Y/N arrived to Angela's house and strutted towards the door, and knocked. But door-opener was not Kermit's mom. He was fuzzy, orange, and kinda sexy. She looked him up and down, wow, he was a tall drink of beef Caprisun! He was wearing a fedora, which is every woman's dream.

He made direct eye contact with you. "Hello! You must be Y/N! Angela showed me pictures of you and Kermit. I'm dog sitting right now. But is there anything i can help you with?" You heard a little toot, so you looked down to see some? contraption? of shoes? "Oh yeah. These are my fart shoes. Perfect for making people laugh." He did a little jig, and his shoes said toota-too-toot. He. Was. So. Polite. And Funny! And he LOOKS like a sex machine!

'Ugh. I want him to bruise my beef curtains!' Y/N thought. She made bedroom eyes at him. "Actually, yes. There is something you can help me with."

"I'm Fozzie. Why don't you come in?"

_________________________________________________

As soon as Fozzie closed the door behind Y/N, she pushed him up against the wall and grazed his grundle. "Wanna slip me the hot beef injection boy boy?" She proposed to the bear.

He smirked and let her to the bedroom, his shoes shidding and farding all the way there.

They made out for a little bit until they started undressing. Fozzie reached to take off his fedora when Y/N stopped him. "Keep it on. It makes my peepee twingle with delight." she winked at him.

Fozzie layed Y/N down and climbed on top. She reached for his Pussy Destroyer to find out that it was COMPLETELY bald, no pubic hair, no nothing. She came back to reality and nodded. He put his entire schlong in her pocket. WOW! She was not used to a wiener this big! Fozzie and Y/N both whimpered. The slapping of flesh was so fast paced and seemingly impossible that even the FBI agents in the phones and computers turned away and quit their jobs.

The dickening was so intense that Fozzie filled her with his hot sex milk after 1 minute. Fozzie flipped over and dabbed. They both panted for a minute until Y/N put on her clothes said "Thanks. That was really good. Now I gotta zoom."

"What? We just made love! Leaving so soon?" Fozzie pleaded and Y/N was at a loss for words, searching for a lie in her cranium. "Please. I'm so lonely. Stay. I'll make you custom fart shoes. I'll do anything. I love you. Please stay." Y/N tried to escape but unfortunately, Foz blocked the door. FORTUNATELY though, he was still naked. 

"Why are you trying to leave? Don't you love me? I gave you my noodle jazz! I gave you everything!" Y/N threw caution to the wind and reached for his hairless hotdog, and ripped it clean off. Fozzie doubled over in pain and grabbed his new, bloody, penile stump, and cursed you.

Y/N ran to her car shakily and drove home, feeling guilty.

__________________________________________________

Y/N reached the driveway and was dreading the conversation that was coming. Tiredly, she opened the door and went into the bedroom where Kermit was sleeping.

Seeing his sleeping form, so vulnerable and green, made her feel even more guilty.

She shook him awake. "Kerm. Kerm. Wake up." But he didn't. In fact, it seemed like he was having some sort of nightmare.

"No, no, please." he murmured. "DON'T FUCK MY MOOOOOOOM!" He jumped up and awoke. "Y/N?" he said groggily.

"Yea. It's me." she said, looking down at her hands. "Did you? Did you fuck my mom?" Kermit prodded.

She thought for a moment. Which would be worse? Sleeping with his bestfriend or mom? She couldn't decide so she let her mouth.

"Yes... BUT it wasn't very good. I didn't even shoot my goo." she lied. He was relieved. SO relieved in fact, that he sprung a little green surprise right there. Kermit tried to cover it, saving himself from embarrassment, but Y/N grabbed his hands.

"Oh Kermie Wermie, please insert your Kermie Spermie." she exhaled, looking at him. "Please oh please." 

Kermit looked so taken back that she wanted him this fast after cheating on her repeatedly, but he would ponder that later. He looked at his little lime wenis and raisied an eyebrow, and his dong just shrugged back at him. "Say no more babey!"

Y/N and Kermit wasted no time, not even bothering to take off her shirt, just her bottoms. Kermit flipped her over and said "Let's do this froggie style, honey." Kermit quickly rolled on a rubber, slipped in his medium leafy member, and screamed "UWU!" at the top of his lungs. It was about an hour later until they we're tired and content with themselves.

___________________________________________

It was a perfect way to wake up. In Kermit's arms. Their relationship had grown over the past weeks and they we're set to get married. Y/N's dad had died in a mysterious house fire, and the police didn't question why Y/N didn't cry. Life was treating her well and she even got a job at a furry shelter, which payed a glorious amount. 

Her phone made a loud ding, so she reached across Kermit to get the phone off the stand. She froze as she read the instagram notification.

(@fozziebear): You got me pregnant.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope in some universe, someone enjoyed this. This is horrifying! Hope you enjoyed xoxo


End file.
